Snoop Bloggy-Blog (AKA Mrs Fredeen):
Saturday, May 05, 2012
One of the best parts about being in a band, and this is ONLY when it’s done the correct way, is what I’d like to call, the “Three Musketeer Theory”. You know, “All for one and one for all!”? When put into practice, it is really a beautiful thing. You feel like you are not alone. You seem to have less, or even NO, fear when facing obstacles. You know that your defense is a three-pointed, triangular fighting machine and all of your sides and back are covered when approaching your enemy. This is very comforting. It is also necessary to putting out the vibe when performing or just being out and about the town, that, “We are one. Heartache to heartache we stand!” Ms. Benetar really got it. I was part of a lovely display of the “Three Musketeer Theory” just yesterday, and it warmed me, even in the cold Tacoma rain, to know I was in the right place.

We had a practice in the afternoon around 11:30 and needed to be done somewhere around 2 because Jared’s parents were going to take him “school clothes shopping”. (What? He’s in school… I mean, I know it’s online and no one can see him, but I have to look at him! Besides, you have all see the many holes in his jeans. And, unlike me, the man refuses to buy himself new things. AND, his birthday is Monday! So, don’t judge.) So, yes, “school clothes shopping”. We finished rehearsal and had to eat before we went out. Of course some form of Ramen was to be included in this meal. We chose a spicy seafood blend that our buddy, Steve, had sent us off with, topped with an egg with plenty of soy sauce, Tapatio, and other delicious spices thrown in. But we felt we needed a bit more. I stared at the bacon that had traveled in our refrigerator from CA to WA with us, looked at the June 4th expiration date, opened the carefully sealed bag, sniffed at the slightly discolored meat, and then turned to Evan.

“Does this smell funny to you?”

Sniff, sniff. “Maybe a little. Are you thinking of cooking it?”

“Um, yes. Do you think that’s a bad idea?”

“Well, I want to believe that the bacon is going to be ok because I really want bacon, but how terrible would it be if we all got food poisoning at the same time?”

Then it hit me. We ALL had to eat this bacon or none of us. We had to make the decision as a team, stand by our choice, then deal with the consequence. Now it was just a matter of the risk we were all willing to take.

As I began to cook the bacon, that oh so familiar smell of the delicious, salty, fatty pork product began to cloud my judgment. It wanted to be eaten, NO, it NEEDED to be eaten. It was using its best tactics to find its way into our bellies, and then poison us from the inside out, until we were slaves to the toilet and prisoners of our beds. I needed my third triangle point. But where was Jared?!? It may be too late for Even and me, but we still had Jared. And, just in the nick of time there he was. But it was no use. The smell got him too. I explained our dilemma. The grayish coloring was off-putting, the odor, not pungent or terrible but questionable. What to do? Jared sensed strangeness to the cooking smell of bacon, but in the Lindy’s close quarters, it’s hard to get a pure smell-sampling, what with all of the other smells vying for attention. Incense, coffee, dog treats, garbage, bathroom spray. How were we to know!? All the while the bacon, that evil tempter, just got crispier and browner. By now we were dizzy with the back-n-forth of decision making. Should we eat it? What does Google say? Where is your Droid now…when we need a Smartphone the MOST!

We sat the bacon on a plate in front of us. Two pieces a person laid in front of us, bubbling with the anticipation of its certain victory. The bacon knew it had won. It could taste it. We looked at each other and, with a Hail Mary; each took our piece and devoured the savory goodness in our mouths.

“How long does food poisoning take to kick in?” I asked Evan.

“About an hour or two for gestation.”

“So it’s gonna hit me while I’m trying on pants?” Jared replied.

And we all died laughing. But, we didn’t die. As a matter of fact, we didn’t even feel anything and, quite frankly, forgot about the whole thing. Until this morning, while lying in bed, contemplating today’s blog, I smiled to myself at the “Three Musketeer Theory”. However, had we gotten sick, I suppose I would have been writing about how “Misery, INDEED, loves company”.

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One thought on “The Questionable Bacon

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  1. rock mama 8 years ago

    jessie….knock knock!

    …..who’s there??

    ….bacon!

    bacon who?

    bacon, i want my bacon!!!! are you laughing…..???